The only thing less fair than the electoral college is the scoring in tennis

2017.09.01 By Gabriel Allen

Gabriel Allen is a writer and tennis professional who studied journalism and played varsity tennis at The College of New Jersey.

Why the most effective players aren’t always the winners.

Feeling failure, feigning a smile, Serena Williams walked to the net to congratulate Karolina Pliskova for defeating her in the 2016 U.S. Open. Saluting the fans with right arm raised and an index finger rotating like a crashed helicopter, Serena exited the arena. Here’s something that was probably not going through her mind: In that deciding set, Williams won more points than her opponent. In fact, I’d wager no one noticed — not the players, commentators or fans.

This happens more often than you’d think. In the past four majors, 87 sets and 31 matches were won by players who did not win more points than their opponents.

Sound familiar? Twice in the past five elections, the president of the United States took office without winning the most votes.

What do the electoral college and tennis scoring have in common? They’re arcane and they tilt the field to favor the inferior, yet everyone seems to accept them as immovable. We allow them to continue largely because of historical traditions established by ruling classes.

Tennis is a mongrel, conceived in the conflation of two precursors: rackets, played by criminals and commoners against prison and pub walls, and royals, played indoors by princes and priests.

In 1874, modern tennis was patented and promoted throughout the world by Maj. Walter Clopton Wingfield using rackets scoring, in which sets were won by the first to 15 points. There were no games, no win-by-two margins of mercy. Simple direct democracy. A year later, a governing body for some British sports followed suit, ratifying the commoner’s scoring.

But then Wimbledon got involved. Wimbledon, established for croquet, was formed by journalists (always a bad sign) from the Field, a British sports magazine. Wimbledon did not introduce tennis on its grounds until 1876, and soon after, it rejected rackets scoring, replacing it with the cockamamie counting of royals. Careful not to offend the British governing body, the Field announced the adoption of royals scoring as “provisional” — for the first tournament only.

Royals scoring is complicated and stupid. Patterned on the 60-degree sexton, the first point is 15, the second is 30 and the third is 40. Finally, instead of 60, there’s game. Deuce — French for “two” — is the score called in lieu of 40-all. Subsequently, the score seesaws between deuce and advantage until someone wins by two points. A set is the first to win six games by at least two. The loser of a game receives no credit for any points won, permitting a player to win a set despite having lost up to 10 points more than their opponent.

When Andre Agassi was a top player, he said: “It was invented to cause frustration for those who chose to play. Because it makes no sense. Obviously, those who invented the scoring system wanted to keep it an exclusive game.”

Likewise, the creators of the electoral college made the presidential election an exclusive game. They thought the college would rarely provide a clear winner, thus placing the privileged decision back in the hands of Congress. But things did not go as the patriarchs planned. States cast their allotted electoral votes on a winner-take-all basis, a policy James Madison vehemently protested. If most districts in a state vote for Candidate A, all who voted otherwise wind up having their ballots counted for Candidate A. Dissenting votes are reversed by the state.

Geographic location trumps majority rule, making America a game of Monopoly — not a democracy. Typically, about a dozen battleground states determine the outcome while the majority are reduced to spectators who cheer and jeer from the sidelines. Today, the electoral college is an elite group of 538 voters. Only their ballots matter.

Where do we go from here? A popular vote is the obvious answer for the nation, just as the tiebreaker is the remedy for tennis.

James Van Alen introduced the tiebreaker to settle sets tied at six games. It is won by the first to seven points by a minimum margin of two. Without the tiebreaker, the loser can win innumerably more points than the winner. If we want every point to matter, tennis matches should be one extended tiebreaker to a designated number of points.

If you’re a fan of losers winning, keep the status quo.

Twitter: @GAllen1123

Yin, Yang, Yogini

Kathryn E. Livingston (April 27, 2014). $1.99 email on 2016.09.20

Through yoga, Kathryn found a new inner peace while facing the challenges of midlife — including a frightening medical diagnosis. Her journey of self-discovery comes to life in this witty, heartwarming memoir.

Publisher Description

Yin Yang Yogini is a memoir about transformation, with yoga as the backdrop for change–a story of how one can evolve in midlife and in midstride, of how one can learn to let go of the past, let go of fear, and live with trust in the present moment.

This is a memoir about a transformational two years of Kathryn E. Livingston’s life, a time in which she learned to trust herself and the universe, even while facing such issues as the death of her parents, her children leaving home for college, panic and anxiety issues, and breast cancer. Livingston’s story is heartfelt, humorous, and timely, and about finding courage, strength, and happiness within.

Editorial Reviews on Amazon
About the Author
Kathryn E. Livingston has been writing about parenting issues for more than twenty-five years; recently, she’s turned her pen to the topic of yoga.

Livingston’s articles have appeared in Parenting (she was among the magazine’s first columnists), Publishers Weekly, American Photographer, Edutopia, Country Living, Redbook, Working Mother, and other magazines. She is the coauthor of two parenting books with Robert Frank, PhD: Parenting Partners (St. Martin’s) and The Secret Life of the Dyslexic Child (Rodale). Livingston is also the author of a number of photography books, including Special Effects Photography, Secrets of Still Life Photography, and Fashion Photography: Patrick Demarchelier, and she is coauthor of The Joy of Photographing Your Baby.

Livingston blogs for the Huffington Post on seasoned motherhood and empty-nest issues, and for the Kundalini yoga music website Spirit Voyage, and her work appears in the popular online yoga magazine Elephant Journal. She is a supporting blogger for Dr. Susan Love’s Army of Women, an online effort to research and eradicate breast cancer.

The mother of three grown sons, Livingston lives with her husband, a classical musician, in Bergen County, New Jersey, and is soon to engage in a Kundalini yoga-teacher training. A seven-year breast cancer survivor, Livingston will donate a portion of her earnings from this book to breast cancer research.

WSJ: What Your Therapist Is Really Thinking

Yes, therapists sometimes get bored; excerpts from an interview with psychotherapist Paul Hokemeyer

By ELIZABETH BERNSTEIN
Dec. 14, 2015 12:56 p.m. ET

Ever wonder what your therapist is thinking?

Paul Hokemeyer, a psychotherapist and licensed marriage and family therapist, discussed what goes through the mind of someone paid to help people with their most private problems. Dr. Hokemeyer specializes in relationships and treats people for issues such as anxiety, depression, narcissism, addiction and infidelity. He also serves as a senior clinical fellow for the Caron Treatment Centers, an inpatient facility in Pennsylvania and Florida.

Dr. Hokemeyer was a corporate bankruptcy lawyer for seven years before getting his Ph.D. in psychology. He uses several approaches in his practice including cognitive behavioral and dialectal therapies. He has private practices in New York and Telluride, Colo., a research office in Malibu, Calif., and also Skypes with patients. Here are edited excerpts from an interview with Dr. Hokemeyer.

WSJ: How long do you typically see someone?

Dr. Hokemeyer: One to two years. I don’t believe psychotherapy should be a lifelong endeavor.

How has your therapy style evolved?

When I first started, I was terrified of making a mistake and I made patients nervous. When I was in training a woman came to see me to deal with an abusive relationship. She sat terrified in a chair across from me, while I forced her to answer a series of rote questions. I should have thrown the questionnaire out and sat with her in the weight of her pain and talked. But I didn’t, and she never came back. I still get sad when I think about her, and I think about her often.

I’ve come to see psychotherapy as an art grounded in science. The art consists of connecting with a patient where he or she is, then using solid evidentiary methodologies and interventions to move the patient toward a reparative experience.

My brand of psychotherapy operates on a number of levels. The first requires me to be hyper-aware of the physical and emotional feelings the patient brings up in me. How do I feel in their presence? Am I anxious, bored, entertained, manipulated?

Then I focus on what they are saying, verbally and non-verbally. Do I feel the heaviness that comes from depression, yet the patient is saying everything is fine or trying to distract me with superficial details?

Once I have the data gleaned from our personal connection, I formulate clinical interventions.

What do you write down about a patient?

I find note taking during the session by a therapist to be rude. The goal is to be fully present for the patient. I jot down notes after the patient leaves to remind me of issues to discuss and insights made by the patient.

If the patient is being treated for depression and made his way out into the yard the past weekend to garden I would write that down and encourage the patient to continue. My files contain basic contact information, releases, an assortment of legally required forms and brief notes that indicate where we need to go and how we are doing.

What do you hope a patient will do between sessions?

A large part of the value of psychotherapy comes from the thoughts that go through the patient’s mind in anticipation of the session and when they leave. The goal is for the patient to internalize the reparative relationship with their clinician. This means that they hear their therapist’s voice and anticipate what their therapist would say when they are confronted with a real-life situation.

I love when patients make a confession about falling down on a commitment and tell me: “I know exactly what you’re going to say…” That means they are internalizing a nurturing, affirming voice.

I give homework when it is appropriate, but I tend to do the opposite of what a patient requests. The super-A types want lots of homework. This is a red flag. I don’t give it to them. Their homework is to sit with their emotions and feelings rather than intellectualizing them.

Some patients can be very treatment resistant. They say they want to change but don’t take action. These are the people I’ll assign homework to and discuss why they refuse to do it.

What is unhelpful for patients to do between sessions?

Beat themselves up. We all make mistakes in life. The key is to learn from them and move on. I tell my patients it is OK to look back at the past but don’t stare.

Is it helpful for patients to discuss their therapy with loved ones?

It depends. It can be helpful if you feel they have your best interest at heart.

What should patients do to prepare for a session?

Come into the room focused and motivated. Don’t come to me because you’re trying to get your spouse off your back or are more concerned with the text messages you’re receiving during our session.

What do you think about during a session?

I focus on the immediate, my feelings, thoughts, what the patient is saying, then step back and put it in a global context. Is what they are saying congruent with what I’m feeling? What patterns are emerging?

I also need to keep track of time, which is tricky. The last thing I want my patient to see me do is glance at the clock. I have three clocks in my office and I’ve taken to wearing an iWatch, but I still screw up.

Does your mind wander?

Frequently. Most of the time it wanders back to the session I had with the last patient and what I should have done differently.

It can also wander if the patient is avoiding connecting and filling the time with superfluous details. I’ll start to think about the dry cleaning or what I can have for dinner. This is important clinical data as it lets me know that just as I’m not feeling connected to the patient, the patient isn’t connected to me because they don’t feel safe enough to share the intimate details of their life.

Do you fire clients?

I will refer a patient out if I don’t feel we have a good connection or if their issue is outside of my scope of competence. I also refer out if I feel that our work is creating a financial strain on the patient.

Do you judge patients?

I’m constantly judging. It is my job. This notion of unconditional positive regard is a fantasy. Yes, I need to accept the patient for who they are, but to pretend that I won’t bring my humanness to the equation is unrealistic.

I need to know how and when to deliver my truth. The best example I can give is around issues of fees. Discussions around money are wonderful illuminators of personality. Typically, people who are miserly with money are miserly with emotions. People who throw money around have poor interpersonal boundaries.

Do you go to therapy?

I’ve been in individual and couples therapy off and on for 20 years. I started when I was practicing as a young lawyer, miserable and desperate to change my life. Recently, I’m focused on my marriage and so I’ve been investing in couple’s therapy.

I can be a very difficult consumer of psychological services. It takes me forever to find a therapist I trust.

What are your pet peeves?

I get annoyed when patients cancel at the last minute because of traffic or some other minor annoyance. This tends to be a chronic situation with the affluent. For them, what’s a few hundred dollars for the late cancellation? I view this issue as a clinical one and address it. I tell them it feels like they are hiding behind their money to avoid intimacy.

What if someone isn’t making progress?

Some patients love to play games. They are masters at manipulation and avoid connection at all costs. They will dominate the conversation with tales of great bravado, tales that illuminate their personality but keep us from connecting. I tell them to cut it out.

Do you dislike patients?

I dislike traits my patients display, but my job isn’t to like or dislike my patients. It is to give them a new way of relating.

My awareness of myself and my own issues enables me to relate to and feel compassion toward the vulnerability of being human. It is the thing we share and it gives us a strong foundation to build upon.

Write to Elizabeth Bernstein at elizabeth.bernstein@wsj.com or follow her on Facebook or Twitter at EBernsteinWSJ.

Write to Elizabeth Bernstein at Bonds@wsj.com

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There are 7 comments.
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OldestReader RecommendedBrian Charles
Brian Charles 13 days ago
I think there are several fields that make little sense to practice in a secular sense, psychology is one of them. Secular therapy is asking someone to treat you with one hand tied behind their back.

网坛老克腊: 中国第一代网球国手、上海网球元老 潘家震

2015-11-13 上海市网球协会

2015-11-14 (2) 2015-11-14 (3) 2015-11-14 (4) 2015-11-14 (5) 2015-11-14 (6) 2015-11-14 (7) 2015-11-14 (8)

他是上海网球的“四大金刚”,他是中国国家网球队的第一批队员,他是上海乃至全国网球运动发展的活化石。

上海话里有个词“老克腊”,就是英文“01d class”翻过来的,指的是老上海有层次会享受的上流绅士。在60多年前就开始打网球的潘家震绝对是一位货真价实的“老克腊”。
见到潘老的时候,他正在球场打球,脸上的笑容犹如正照在我们身上的阳光,朝气蓬勃。完全不像一个年近80的老人。他的笑容、他的健谈让我全身心地投入到他的故事中。

网球小将
我是独生子,从小家里人就很疼我,但身体一育不好,经常生病,基本每个月都要看医生,也没有什么好的治疗办法,只能看医生。为了锻炼身体,上小学的时候我开始踢足球。当时的足球就是小橡皮球,现在已经没有人踢了,橡皮球可以用来练习基本功,暑假里也有比赛, 我一直坚持踢,身体也随之好了起来。
我妈妈山生于一个老式家庭,看到我身体好了就支持我多做运动,我看医生的周期也拉长了,不用每个月都去看医生。可是后来我母亲看到踢足球导致脚上经常受伤,又舍不得让我去踢了。她让我换一样运动,后来考虑了多种项目,比如乒乓球,但是运动范围太小,最后我选择了网球。
我家住在巨鹿路,便找了一个离家里比较近一点的“绿灯网球会”,就在瑞金路上,现在那个地方已经没有了。去那里打球也不认识人,就是家人陪着去,加入这个网球会,学生是50美金半年,其他打球的费用再另外算,我总是利用星期六、星期天去打球,每次打个20分钟,后来就和球场里面的人比较熟悉了,打得好一点的时候才开始有同年纪的一起打,因为打网球所以身体很好,有兴趣了,打球比有了进步,所以打得更有劲了。

贺龙软点进队
早在1843年上海被辟为商埠,实行对外开放,随着西方人士的纷至沓来,网球也来到了上海。1876年,以外侨为主的上海网球总会建造了两片草地网球场,它是上海乃至中国最早的标准网球场。上世纪20年代末期,国内大城市相继出现网球会和网球俱乐部,在上海和北京,这些社会团体和网球爱好者自发形成的组织最多。从全国来看,上海的网球运动起步比较早,这为以后的网球发展打下良好的基础。
解放前上海就有很多球场,当时球场大多是沙地。中国人办的网球俱乐部都比较小,有很是外国人的球场,比如法国总会,是以草地场地为主,当时有32个场地,28个草地,4个沙地:英国人的乡下总会里面有25个草地球场,是当时最好的,还有意大利、美国、德国总会,但是规模没有这么大。当时的球拍是木头做的,进口球拍也是木头做的,邓路普和中国的航空牌也都是木头的。
解放后,上海的网球运动得到了更大的发展。上海先后多次组队至其他城市比赛,进行交流。当时的上海拥有一批优秀的网球运动员,引领着中国网球的改革和发展。当时的国家网球队主力均为上海选手。在全国性网球比赛中,上海选手多次包揽冠军,实力大大超出其它省市。上个世纪五、六十年代,我和梅福基、吴生康、宋连根并称“四大金刚”。
当时我参加上海的比赛,名次都比较好,1955年上海市体委组织上海选手去北京参加一个多城市参与的观摩赛,这是贺龙副总理提出的,参赛的大多数都是专业队的队员参赛,只有少数业余选手。当时我考上了东北工学院,却没有去,在家里也没有什么事情可做,不工作不念书的压力很大,但是经常参加比赛还算是有一个交代。在战场上功勋卓著的贺龙和陈毅都很喜欢网球,贺龙副总理也是国家体委主任。当时贺龙副总理看我打得不错,就问我“我们要成立国家队,你有没有兴趣到北京来?”他让我写信给国家体委,我回上海之后就写信了,大约在两周之后上海市体委就来通知我,让我去北京集训,当时我是第一批的中国国家网球队队员。
早在1951年我国就组建了网球国家队,第一次有8个人选入国家队,分别有四个男队员和四个女队员,四个男队员都是上海的。参加国家队之后我就经常呆在北京,但是由于北京冬天天气太冷,当时也没有室内球场,训练就无法持续,上海队的队员也回到了上海,等国家队有比赛再召集到一起。当时上海网球队叫做“上海市竞技指导课网球队”。

相伴一生的运动
我担任过两届上海市网球协会副主席,主要是和香港老年协会打交道,经常去香港那边参加比赛。我的一个老朋友是香港东亚网球协会的主席,在香港地位比较高,1946年他把上海专业的老年球员召集在一起,组织参加了东亚元老网球赛,以城市为单位参赛,现在这个比赛还在举行,上海队拿过两年的冠军。我现在上上海网协的荣誉顾问,每周仍然坚持打球三次,我的一生都是围绕着网球事业,很多朋友都是在球场认识的,正因如此,再加上碰上文化大革命,我到45岁才结婚,我女儿也打球,也获得过上海市业余女子赛的单打冠军。

我最喜欢的是桑普拉斯,其次是阿加西和费德勒,他们打球都很漂亮,技术很全面。现在的技术发展全面了,教的技术和我们当时完全不一样了。我现在看到好多少体校的教练都教得很好,他们的方法、打法都是和我们那时不能比的,这个是不能卖老资格的,需要跟上时代的变化和发展。我们鼓励支持年轻人的先进打法,看到他们打得越来越好,我也很欣慰。网球在上海和全国都发展得很好,这与生活水平的提高有很大的关系,在国外中产阶级打网球的十份普遍。在我看来,打网球的人都有一定的文化修养,懂得通过打网球锻炼身体。

现在打网球的人越来越多,尤其是大量年轻人参与其中,对于年轻的打网球的后辈我觉得,首先搞清楚是自己要打球还是教练要你们打球,进入体校只是开始,要成为优秀运动员是很难的,很多事情要自己动脑子,自己要努力。我们国家的体制很特殊,我们首先是自己要发奋图强,和国外的足球职业化是一样的,职业化不仅仅是钱的问题。

上海市网球协会会长李毓毅14年春节慰问网坛元老潘家震
《以上内容由潘家震口述 节选自网球俱乐部》

中国网球泰斗潘家震先生安静地离开了

link

2015-11-14 2015-11-14 (1)

2015-11-13 上海市网球协会

昨日惊闻中国网球泰斗潘家震先生安静地离开了。
向这位为中国网球事业作出突出贡献的老人,致以崇高的敬意!
潘家震先生是新中国的第一代网球国手,与梅福基、吴生康、宋连根并称上海网球“四大金刚”。1955年,时任国家体委主任的贺龙副总理钦点他进入国家队,成为中国第一批国家队队员。
退役后担任过上海网球协会副主席。是东亚元老网球赛的发起人之一。现为上海市网球协会荣誉顾问。潘家震先生一生围绕着网球事业,从未离开。
再次向潘家震先生致敬!一路走好,安息!

Lu Mingming: 胡家

her page; 胡家 web; her husband

  1. 2015.11.13, 中国网球泰斗潘家震先生安静地离开了
  2. 2015. 网坛老克腊: 中国第一代网球国手、上海网球元老 潘家震
  3. 2015.11.06, book on 胡仲光

image image image image image image

 

image

  • 胡宪生 (胡适是安徽人 . 我爷爷胡宪生是无锡人) – her 大表哥 胡伟立先生莅临录音艺术与技术系举办专家讲座
    • older bro?
    • 胡仲光 ?? dad (1920-), 2nd?
      • Mingming
    • 三叔, 香港 – 上海的新网球场是他送的
    • 四叔, 是开拓国内地铁的大功臣。西安铁道信号工程的总工程师。耒美取經二次均住我家。是我伯叔辈唯一不抽姻喝酒的但死于肺癌
    • 五叔胡政光 – 深圳

Tianjin, bathroom tissue

Bette Bao Lord 包柏漪 (November 3, 1938, Shanghai; son Winston married 2015.05.01 NYT & daughter Lisa) described her meeting her little kid sister at the airport in USA, was intrigued by her sister’s bulging jacket pocket. Upon inquiry, her sister burgled a role of toilet paper.

The toilet paper, soft, white, some even have roses or hearts imprints. Back in Beijing in the 1970s, the tissue we used was rough in metallic color, often saw Chinese characters. My uncle told me because it was recycled from books and newspapers.

In the country, people used the split stick’s edge to scratch.

 

asian in USA 多年以前的亚裔学霸们,毕业以后都过得如何?

New York magazine 2011 May

精英即领袖的制度在从学校毕业后就戛然而止了,这已经成为在亚裔美国人的生活中苦涩暗流的一部分。

有时候,我会向自己在玻璃窗上的影子投去一瞥,然后惊讶于自己的所见。漆黑的头发。斜长的眼睛。像煎饼一样平坦、黄中带绿的皮肤。类似爬行动物的漠然表情。我曾竭力让自己相信,这张面孔和其他任何面孔一样美丽。但这样想的时候我又觉得这张面孔很陌生。这是我的面孔。我没法否认这一点。但这张脸和我有什么关系呢?

有时候,我怀疑我的这张脸在其他美国人眼里显示出的是:一个隐形人,很难在一堆和他相似的面孔中将他辨认出来。一个站在在人群中颇为显眼但毫无个性的人。一个美国文化貌似非常推崇但实际上是在鄙视与剥削的偶像。不只是那些“擅长数学”、会拉小提琴的人,也是一大群被憋得不行、被压得要死、被虐得快残了的循规蹈矩的半机器人,在社会与文化层面都没什么重要性。

让我总结一下我对于亚洲价值观的感受:操他*的孝道;操他*的追分少年;操他*的常春藤盟校之癫;操他*的顺从权威;操他*的和谐关系;操他*的为未来而牺牲;操他*的中产阶级奴性。

几个月前,我收到一封来自年轻人杰弗逊•毛的邮件。他先是进了史岱文森高中,最近则刚刚从芝加哥大学毕业。

现在他更清楚自己高一的时候要做些什么了:“学习上只要有一半的努力就够了,但在其他方面要做得更成功。”

史岱文森是美国竞争最激烈的公立高中之一,完全依据考试成绩招生。这就是结果:仅占纽约人口12.6%的亚裔在这所学校中占据的比例高达72%。

在史岱文森念到大概一半的时候,一种隐隐约约的不悦之感开始侵蚀毛的内心。他一贯都觉得自己是一群“没有名字、没有面孔的亚裔小孩”中的一员,这些小孩不起眼得“就像房间的装饰物的一部分”。他一贯都满足于埋头苦学,朝着史岱文森学生们共同的目标而奋进:哈佛。但是大约在他毕业班那年刚开始时,他开始怀疑这场通往学业成功的路是否是唯一的、或者最好的路。

“你忍不住会觉得肯定还有其他的道路,”他边吃米粉边解释,“这就像是我们这群人被按着头和彼此较劲,而中西部的孩子却可以做着少得多的功课,还可以在车库玩玩乐队什么的——如果他们的智力还可以,在学校也还算努力的话……”

杰弗逊•毛

我们见面几周后,毛让我和他在史岱文森的密友丹尼尔•朱联系。朱去年从威廉姆斯学院毕业,他的诗歌还赢得了一个创意写作比赛的奖项。他从18000美元的奖金中拿出一部分用于到中国旅游,但现在他回到布鲁克林的唐人街和他父母住在一起。

朱记得他在威廉姆斯的第一学期时,他的大三学生辅导员时不时地会把他拉到一旁问,觉得一切都好吗,有没有遇到什么烦心事。“我还在适应这个地方,”他说,“我不是完全开心,但也不是完全沮丧。”但那时他新交的白人朋友也会说出相似的话。“他们会说:‘丹,有的时候,有点难看出你在想什么。’”虽然朱有着一张好看的面孔,但将他的行为定位为保守不算个错误。他声音轻柔,没什么音调起伏,面部表情也很少变化。他把这一切归咎于家庭气氛。“如果你在一个中国家庭长大,”他说,“你不会怎么说话。你会闭嘴听你的父母叫你做什么。”

在史岱文森,他完全处于一个亚裔的圈子, 和谁交朋友是由你乘哪条地铁线来决定的。但当他到了威廉姆斯之后,朱慢慢地意识到一些奇怪的现象:在新英格兰地外走动的白人总是面带微笑。“呆在这样一个地方,每个人都变得很友善。”

他决心要开始多微笑。“这是我必须通过积极练习的一项技能。”他说,“就像你在商业中进行一笔交易时,把钱交给对方———然后你微笑。”他说他已经取得了一些进步,但还是任重道远。“我正在试着清空18年中国式教育。在威廉姆斯的4年有帮助,但是还不够。”他的父亲,一位IT经理的遭遇让他很在意。“他是办公室里最优秀的程序员,”他说,“但他的英语说得不太好,升职的时候就永远没他的份。”

精英即领袖的制度在从学校毕业后就戛然而止了,这已经成为在亚裔美国人的生活中苦涩暗流的一部分。

“我猜,我想成为在某方面特别擅长的人,那样我在社交方面的缺陷将不再重要。”他告诉我。朱是一个聪明、勤奋、文凭无可挑剔的在美国出生的年轻人。他对于凭借自身能力赢得世界尊重这一点充满信心,但他怀疑自己永远无法感受到那种在威廉姆斯的白人同学身上看到的自在。那种自在,他说———“我觉得离我还有好几代远。”

上个世纪90年代,当詹姆斯•洪还是伯克利一名电子工程专业的学生时,他到IBM公司进行了一系列的面试。一位年长的亚裔研究员看了看洪的简历,问了一些程式化的问题。然后,他一言不发地站起来,走去关上办公室的门。

“听着,”他告诉洪,“我会很坦白地跟你说。我们这一代来到这个国家,是因为我们想给你们这群孩子创造更好的条件。我们用尽全力,离开家国,来读研究生,那时连英语都还说不溜。如果你得到了这份工作,你将会和我们这一辈遭遇同样的‘天花板’。他们只当我是一个亚裔的博士,而永远不是做管理的料。你将会得到一份工作,但是你不要接它。你们这一代必须比我们走得更远,否则我们的所有努力都白费了。”

这位研究员谈的正是一些人所说的“竹制天花板”——种隐形障碍,用于维系美国大公司金字塔状的种族结构,在其中,许多亚裔位于金字塔底层,少数位于中层,而几乎没有人位于高层,掌控领导权。

这是亚裔美国人生活中苦涩暗流的一部分:众多名牌大学的亚裔学生发现,他们所熟悉的精英即领导的制度在毕业后便陡然终结。如果每个美国常春藤盟校毕业班学生中亚裔占15%至20%,如果常春藤盟校是美国社会领导人的孵化器,那么推论说亚裔将在公司领导层中占据相应的比例应该是站得住脚的。

然而,统计数据反映了完全不同的事实。根据最近一项调查,亚裔在美国人口中占大约5%,但在企业管理层中仅占0.3%,在董事会中还占不到1%,在大学校长中占约2%。在财富500强企业中,仅有9名亚裔CEO。在一些亚裔集聚的特殊产业,情况也大体相似。硅谷中1/3的软件工程师为亚裔,然而在圣弗朗西斯科湾一带的25所最大型的公司中,仅有6%的董事会成员是亚裔,仅有10%的公司管理人员是亚裔。根据2005年的一项调查,在美国国家卫生研究院,终身聘用的科学家中有21.5%为亚裔,但实验室或分部主管中只有4.7%是亚裔。在一个名叫Yellowworld的网站的评论区中出现过这样一条简洁的感慨,概括了这个现象: “如果你是东亚裔,你需要上一所顶尖的大学来才能获得一份高薪工作。但即使你获得了一份高薪工作,那个全家都是普通州立大学毕业的白人可能不知不觉就爬到了你上面,仅仅因为他是白人。”

竹制天花板一部分阴暗叵测的本质在于它看起来并不是由公然的种族歧视引起的。这种数据上的不平衡更有可能是由无意识的偏见导致。比如,没有人会肯定地说个子高的男人天生就是更好的领导。不过,尽管身高6尺以上的男性在美国男性人口中仅占15%, 他们在美国公司CEO中占到了58%。相似地,没人会说亚裔不适合当领导。但是在最近发表的一项心理学实验中,受访者一致认为,即使能力相当,那些有着白人名字的假想雇员也比那些有着亚裔名字的假想雇员更有领导潜质。

也许这只能归咎于传统的亚裔成长环境。要成为领导需要个人主动,需要思考一个组织可以采取怎样不同的工作方式,需要搭建人脉关系、自我推销和自信的主张。如果断言任何亚裔都不擅长创造性思维或不愿承担风险,显然是种族主义的观点。但如果说一个在教育上向来注重死记硬背和填鸭式灌输的群体,在整体上不大可能造就很多倾向于挑战当权者、或打破传统行事方式的人,那么这只是对一种文化现象的观察。

Sach Takayasu曾是IBM纽约市场营销部升迁最快的成员之一。但是大约7年前,她觉得自己的晋升慢了下来。“我超额完成任务,工作很长时间,但这样的努力就算再多也无助于我向上走。”她说。也就是在那个时候,她参加了由一个名叫“亚太裔领袖才能教育”的机构举办的研讨会。

Takayasu在2006年参加了为期一周的课程培训。最初的练习中有一项是由小组教员请大家列表展示他们所认同的亚裔价值观。学生们的回应包括:光宗耀祖,孝敬父母,克己慎行。接着教员让同学们列出心目中的领袖要具备的品质,然后提示他们注意到:两个表格鲜有交集。

法律教授兼作家蒂姆•吴在加拿大长大,母亲是白人,父亲是台湾人,这使他在白人与亚裔如何看待彼此的问题上能够获得一个有趣的见解。 “人们很自然地认为在亚洲人天生适合做‘辛苦工
作’”,他说,接着他定义了“苦力”,也就是中文里代表“辛苦工作”的词。“在这种古怪的自我选择现象,亚裔员工总是向那些最艰苦繁重的工作部分迁移。”

相比之下,他遇到的白人律师总是擅长把自己描绘成高人一等,超越“苦力”。“白人有一种非常重要的直觉:要给人一种他们只会去做真正重要的工作的印象:你就是一个四分卫。这种傲慢却是亚裔在不曾被灌输的。在搬到纽约后不久,有人告诉我,要成功,你必须了解什么样的规则是你要打破的。如果你打破了错误的规则,就完蛋了。因此,最简单的就是遵守所有的规则。但这样一来,你就把自己困在底层。真正的诀窍在于懂得哪些规则不是为你制定的。”

这是一种由规则来管理的规则打破游戏——在规则手册并未提及,但是在内在的文化意识中代代相传——这也许是我听过的对于竹制天花板如何在现实中运作的最好解释。

你要如何清空18年的中国式教育?

J. T. Tran

这是J. T. Tran在Silliman College的名人茶话会上向一屋子的耶鲁本科生提出的隐形问题。他的给出的典型的亚洲式回答:练习。Tran是个泡妞大师,人称“亚裔花花公子”。他环游世界,举办“训练营”,主要面对亚裔男生,传授吸引女人的艺术。今天,他应亚裔美国学生联盟的邀请来到耶鲁。

“猥琐是可以修正的,”Tran对一群只能站着围观的听众说。“很多男生只是没有意识到要如何表现自己。”Tran每周都会到一个新城市会见一群新听众,这些听众都是好男人,聪明男人,有上进心的男人,只是从没搞懂如何与女性成功相处。他们的妈妈当年把他们都留在家里学习,而不让他们出门约会或社交。现在Tran的公司,“吸引力ABC”,提供的就是这方面的补救性教育——包括三场四小时的研讨会,接着是一个晚上有指导陪同的“实习”,Tran的助手加雷斯•琼斯和一个高挑的金发女助手萨拉会逼着学员接近女性。学费是1450美元。

“我在亚洲学生身上发现的最大问题之一是面部表情变化少,我称之为‘亚洲Poker Face’”, Tran说,“这种情况有多常发生在你身上?”他问围观的听众。“你可能和白人朋友出去,然后他们会问你——“老兄,你在生气啊?”听众哄堂大笑。他解释说,这种状况有一部分是由心理原因造成的。他回忆起他教过的一个韩裔美国男生。这个学生对一个很照顾他学习的学校老师十分钟情,但是这份钟情谁也看不见。“萨拉试着帮他,她说:‘快啊,笑一笑,笑一笑。’而他却像是……”这时Tran 做出一种貌似咧嘴欢笑,但又惨不忍睹的面部扭曲。“他在微笑方面实在是完全没有经验,真的就是笑不出来。”不过最终,这个学生排除万难,攻克了这个问题。“而当他真正自然地微笑时,嗯,非常有型。”

Tran接着讲了一个故事来揭示美国亚裔男性的低落情绪。他讲的故事是关于美国亚裔男性在性爱市场上的劣势的,而他自己毕尽一生致力于扭转这个劣势。没错,就是关于怎么泡妞的。没错,就是关于怎么吸引那些头发的颜色像正午的太阳般绚烂、眼睛的颜色像大海般蔚蓝的女人,而且还关于怎么和她们上床。他毫无打算为那些在他的网站上挂得七荤八素的金发女照片而道歉,因为那正是他所偏爱的东西,他所代表的东西,以即他所推销的东西:无论是谁、想追就追的勇气;而他自己也会这么做。

但事情又不是这么简单。它还和改变世俗对亚裔男人的看法有关——这种看法扎根于这些亚裔男性的行为举止,而这些行为举止又扎根于他们的成长方式——要改变这些成长方式,就要通过一系列行为的修正课程,目的是为了把他们教育成社会上的主流人物,尽管现在没人会这么看他们。他后来对我说,这就是个“通过教人泡妞来变革社会”的培训项目。

Tran讲了他作为一个典型的亚裔劣势男的个人故事。个子矮,不够帅,社交无能,性爱白痴。“如果我得了个B,我就得挨打。”他回忆起童年。大学毕业后,他在波音和雷神公司担任航空工程师,但办公室内部政治始终不待见他。入行五年,他所有的白人同事都晋升到了他头上。“我知道我必须学学社会动力学,因为只会埋头苦干没有用。”

他在约会方面的努力就是“一个痛苦的杯具”。于是那时他转身投入“诱惑社区(the seduction community)”,一个像alt.seduction.fast那样的男性网络论坛。刚开始,那只是个“失败
者的亲友团”,但后来变成了一个自我提升的项目。魅力是一种教得会的东西吗?自信可以简化成什么公式吗?自信仅仅是一种你要么就有、要么就没有的东西,就像从人生经历中提炼出来的一种功能,还是从一些特殊的行为模式中衍生出来的?这些小组成员将他们用来思考计算机科学和工程学问题的大脑应用于寻求这些问题的答案。他们对自己的约会经历作详细冗长的记录,然后交给全体组员审查分析。他们在原始材料中寻找固定模式,用社会心理学研究过滤这些约会经历。终于,他们建立了一个模型。

刚刚过去的这个情人节,这个模型在一个由“吸引力ABC”主办的纽约周末训练营上推出了。Tran和琼斯正在教他们的学生一个阿尔法男士要怎么站(双肩往后甩,脖子完全提起来,两脚分开,比肩膀微微宽一些)。“你可能会觉得非常奇怪,因为你已经习惯了耸肩驼背,,但这才是正确的姿势。”琼斯说。他们也解释了一个阿尔法男士要怎么走路(鞋子不要拖地,抬起脚,完全离开地面;肩膀微微晃动)。他们还指出和站立时和谈话对象的恰当距离(一个微曲的手臂的距离)。他们解释了“进挪升高”的重要性(你必须碰到她。不要害怕做出这个动作。)他们传授了“亚传播”的重要性:在一字未说前,你传达了什么信息。他们揭示了语调的重要性。他们还解释了什么是语调。“你的语调高低起伏,是为了传递各种情绪。”

所有的这些都是通过一系列的练习来教授的。“这可能感觉很假,”在第一天的训练中琼斯说。“但是我要你们作出有生以来最大幅度的、像吃屎一样的咧嘴笑。”萨拉站在角落,背对学生——三个印度男人,包括一个戴穆斯林头巾的,三个华裔男人和一个柬埔寨的男人。这些男人都得用阿尔法男士走法穿越房间,然后把手搭在她的肩膀上——有力但又要温柔——接着将她扳过身,给个大大的微笑,大到今生之最。之后拿起酒杯,作祝酒状。尽可占满所有空间,绝不要客气。这就是一个阿尔法男士的会做的事。

每个男生在这间城中小白屋的地板上穿堂而过前,Tran都会吼道:“人生乐事是什么?”

那个男生会用他能发出的最洪亮、最有力的声音答道:“摧毁我的敌人,看着他们在我面前被拖走,然后听到他们的女人痛哭——在我的床上!”

针对语调练习,学生们会用各种情绪重复同一句话“我做我想做的事!”

“用快乐的语气说!”琼斯吼道。(“我做我想做的事。”)用伤心的语气说。(“我做我想做的事。”)用你刚赢了五百万的语气说!(“我做我想做的事。”)

Raj是个26岁的印度处男,在语调训练中几乎没法做到变换语气。但在一个周日的晚上,也是训练营的最后一天,我看着他在甘斯沃尔特旅馆和一群素不相识的女人搭讪调情,长达半小时。他还没法做到在对话结束时索得电话或香吻,但是他做到了一些大多数男人做不到的事。

为了写这篇文章,我和成打的亚裔美国人交谈,他们大多是成功的艺术家和科学家;或是长相好、人缘好的领导型人物;或者是威猛、彪悍、敢冒险、充满小道智慧的企业家。当然这些人遍地都是——我还需要指出这一点吗?他们并不比其他任何一种亚裔男人更正直,但他们发现了一些有用的东西。

如果竹制天花板有被冲破的可能,那将和任何形式的行为同化没太大关系,而取决于冒险者的出现和他们在颠覆亚裔迎合他人行为标准方面取得的成功。就像Youtube创始人史蒂夫•陈、或是吉他英雄创始人凯•黄和查尔斯•黄那些人所做的那样。还有Zappos.com的创始人托尼•谢,他在2009年将这个网络零售鞋店卖给亚马逊,赚了十个亿。谢是个矮个子、少话、缺乏明显魅力的亚裔男人。没人会想象出他在美国公司里被提拔的样子。但他证明了一个貌不惊人的亚裔男人可以成为一位令人敬畏的CEO和最难想象的管理大师。

谢从来不屈从于西式的行为规范,因为他很早就奉行了西方的冒险价值观。成长过程中,他会在早上播放自己练习拉小提琴的录音来蒙混过关。他认为自己在哈佛做匹萨饼生意时学到的经验比在任何课上学到的都多。他能直觉地领悟到现实社会对他有何要求,而且他明白父母的任何教导都无法帮他达到目的。

蔡美儿 (《虎妈战歌》的作者)在漫长而累人的巡回售书活动后回到耶鲁。围绕这本书的很多对话都聚焦于她个人的为母之道。但同样有趣的是她的父母对她的教育。蔡本身就是中国式强力教育的产物。《虎妈战歌》中囊括了很多父母对她的教诲。“要谦虚,要低调,要朴素,”她的妈妈告诉她。“决不能抱怨,也决不要找借口,”她的父亲教导她。“如果学校里发生什么看似不公平的事, 只管加倍努力,变得加倍优秀,以此证明自己。”

蔡的中国式教育使她进入精英学校,但却没有帮她为进入现实世界做好准备。她一点也没有隐藏这一点。她曾解释说,她就是要放手写一部“叛逆性的自谴”回忆录——而结果是一团乱糟糟、自相矛盾的情绪大杂烩,一部分是挑衅,一部分是自我批评。西方读者只是漫不经心地驶过这个由亚裔吟唱者似的蔡美儿创作的悖论。但最关键的一点是,《战歌》其实是非常典型的美国制造——传统的中国人绝不会想到写这么一本书。“就算你恨这本书,”蔡指出,“你也没法否认它够有种——它绝不文弱!”

她这种嚣张的叛逆中有值得崇敬的地方。虽然她引发的这场关于亚裔美国生活的辩论还有待商榷,但是我们需要更多拥有这种叛逆精神的人——他们愿意将自己推向镁光灯,制造一些喧嚣,打趴一些人,引诱女人,犯犯错误,做做企业家,拒绝将个人价值顽固地寄托在官文公章上,拒绝相信任何人的幸福可以由一堆文书来维系,然后鼓起勇气去做个有趣的人。

本文系转载自新浪教育
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Sandy Lin 邯郸学步

Hu Kefei on tv show 38 parallel “邯郸学步,拍的假,远离当时战争气氛。”
也作“学步邯郸”。比喻一味地模仿别人,不仅学不到本事,反而把原来的本事也丢了。

Tennis … Everyone got really into it. Some secretively began to take lesson. I was a little surprised. But then asking myself, why the hell you join the team? The last stroke came,
“Sandy lost her lob.”
Apparently Sandy is a little older lady whose ground stroke is basically none exist. But her lethal weapon is lob. For 3.0 and 3.5 levels, lob is very effective because our ability to hit good smash from over our head is weak.
Sandy started to take lesson and then for a moment, didn’t know how to play good winning tennis.

 

Battle of China Japan war The Yongest and oldest 纪录片 美国人拍摄于几十年前

movie 1:02:48 pagepix from the video

一,那时的版图。
二,究竟是谁在抗战。
三,中国为什么败。
四,那时候的穷人,富人,美女和时尚。
五,战争的残酷性,看看活得人、死得人。

The Battle of China (uploaded 2011.11.11)
National Film Preservation Foundation 1:03:19
Preserved through Treasurers of American Film Archives
A Millennium Project supported by
The Pew Charitable Trusts

Organized by the
National Film Preservation Foundation

WHY WE FIGHT
A series of seven information films
Morale Services Division
Information Film #6
Produced by the WAR DEPARTMENT
Signal Corps
Army Service Forces
for the Morale Services Division
Music by the Army Air Force Orchestra

  • 1:05, “This is the Battle of China. This is the great city of Shanghai on a Sept day in 1937. This is the fearful the beginning of the new kind of war. This is first mass bombing from the air of the helpless civilian population. Why? Why are these innocent Chinese, men, women die beneath the hails 冰雹 of Japanese bombs?”
  • 1:50, 3 facts should know about China
    • China is history
    • China is land
    • China is people
  • 2:50, Chinese civilization  art, learning, peace
  • 4:10, 3 rivers: Yellow (sorrow due to floading), Pearl and Changjiang/Yangzi
  • 5:25, every one in four is Chinese
  • 5:40, they’re that sort of people … print, compass, porcelain (why called china ..) and gun powder for celebration not for war
  • 7:10, 7 years fighting the Japs
  • 9:01, China was a country not a nation – too many powers
  • 13.01: Jap is 1/20 (?) of China …
  • 13:14, 1931, Jap took Manchuria
  • 14:30, not satisfied with Manchuria, Jap wanted all of China
  • 16:40, William Mayer, military attaché in Chungking, Lt. Col explains: the first the jap did was to prepare their usual fake alibis. This time the damage was really .. as has been in Manchuria in 1931. A Jap solider was disappeared. Obviously was kidnapped by the incline (?) Chinese. Once more Jap’s honor was insulted, once more the insult has to be avenged. So, on the night of July 7, 1937, at the Marco Popo Bridge near Peking, the Jap war machine struck. Within the space of few weeks, the invaders controled TJ and BJ, it looks like Jap has another walk over.
  • 17:50, narrator: now the Jap just sat back to organize this new conquest. The peace loving Jap didn’t want war if they get their land grabbed what they wanted But this time they’re in rude surprise. This time instead of protesting and negotiating, the Chicness stuck back.”
  • 18.01, Battle of Shanghai
  • 21:35, enraged that any one would resist the Imperial, vengeance upon the civilians population of the city, the city had no guns and planes to defend self. Deliberately slaughtered from the air.
  • 22:40, rush into concessions (foreign people and property) where Jap afraid to bomb, just yet.
  • 23:xx, Jap introduced to the world the new kind of war, war of deliberate terrorization, of deliberate mass murder and of deliberate of frightfulness.
  • 24:16, the controversy photoA famous photo entitled “Bloody Saturday”, showing a burned and terrified baby in Shanghai’s South Station following an IJN aerial attack against civilians, August 28, 1937
  • 24:45, Jap occupied east peninsular – east of Shanghai, push to Nanjing/Hangzhou
  • 25:14, Jap sunk USS Panay, 1937.12.12, apologized/indemnity paid. (1938.01.26 Nanjing Consul Allison.. turned US against Jap)
  • 27:30, Jap kill, torture
  • 29:20 JJS
  • 30:00, Jap united China
  • 32:50, 2k (?) massive migrants moved to the west … destroy railroad to cut Jap
  • 34:40, boats …
  • 36:40, capital moved to Chongqing
  • 48:10, 1938, Jap occupied 1/3 of China .. bucking bronco – China fights back
  • 53.40, Pearl Harbor
  • 54:30, lost Burma Road
  • 55:00, Changsha: rice bowl and central of railroads; Jap tried twice before but failed to take it
  • 56:50, Battle of Changsha – victory
  • 57.07, 1944
  • 57:52, Song Meiling; UK USA China under The Rt Hon The Earl Mountbatten of Burma/ 缅甸的蒙巴顿伯爵阁下
  • 58:02, for China war was our war
  • 59:44,  in the sky Jap faces new enemy nation she has attacked
  • 59:50, Chinese were trained in New Mexico, Arizona and CA .. 14 Air Force (14 air forces?)